A Sinner's Resolve

A few days back, we celebrated the feast of St Mary Magdalene. Who is she? The sinful woman from whom seven evil spirits were driven out by Jesus or the prostitute whom Jesus saved from being stoned to death or the woman who anointed Jesus or the one who washed Jesus' feet with her tears or in more recent times the one who is wrongly being portrayed as wife of Jesus? For me, when I look at her, I see just one thing: a sinner who received the Saviour’s touch! And that’s what draws me to her; that’s how I relate to her.

In her I see someone who was drawn and bound by the powers of sin so strong that she is referred to as being possessed by not one or two but seven evil spirits! When I think of her, I can imagine her struggling to break free from the force of sin so strong that it would have taken complete control of her, taken away from her the innocence of humanity, the joy and peace of belonging to God. I can imagine her being shunned away by the society, treated as an outcast, feared as a threat, distanced as an untouchable; I can imagine her longing to be accepted, thirsting to be loved, desiring to be joyful, hoping to be forgiven. And I believe she would have continued in this state of being, had she not come across Jesus – the Almighty powerful God of Heaven and Earth, the Creator of the Universe – but for her a Saviour, her “Rabboni”. He forgave her sins, wiped away her past, healed her inequity, cast out evil and gave her a new life. This new life – she accepted, nurtured and pursued, even against all odds. She resolved to do everything it takes to be with Jesus all through her life. During the Crucifixion of Jesus when all His disciples, except John, had deserted Him, Mary Magdalene was there. After His death and burial, when all of His followers were devastated and mourning, Mary Magdalene dared to go to His tomb and there she became the first one to witness His resurrection. The Lord of Lords and the King of Kings, gave her the privilege of becoming the Apostle of Apostles! She was faithful to Jesus and the Way of Life He called her to and that’s how she went from being a sinner to a Saint.

When I look back into my life, I realize that we have lots to learn from her. Just like her, we struggle with sin; we struggle to come out of its clutches. She came out of this pit of filth when she encountered Christ and resolved to never fall back in it again. What happens when we encounter Christ who is the “same yesterday and today and forever”? Do we let Him work in our lives, do we believe in His power to set us free, do we accept Him as our Saviour, do we follow the Way He shows us? Very often we set out on this path of holiness and purity, but we never stop looking back. Slightest opportunity and we make use of it to go back to our earlier ways. Slightest temptation and we lay down our arms. And this is where St Mary Magdalene challenges us through her life. She never lost sight of Jesus. She wasn’t afraid to follow Him along the Way of the Cross, she wouldn’t leave Him even at the sight of His heart- wrenching death, even despair and feeling of loss wouldn’t keep her away from going to His tomb. In those moments when He seemed to go farther away, she took all efforts to follow Him and to be with Him.  Aren’t we supposed to do the same? In those moments when we do not experience God working in our lives, when we do not feel His presence, when we slowly drift away from Him; instead of being discouraged and helpless, we should take extra effort to come closer to God, to trust in God’s power and His ways, to resist evil and to strive to stand firm in our faith and in our relationship with Him. We see in Mary Magdalene, how a sinner’s resolve can make him/her a saint. If she can do it, so can we with God’s grace.

“So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus. Therefore, do not let sin exercise dominion in your mortal bodies, to make you obey their passions.  No longer present your members to sin as instruments of wickedness, but present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and present your members to God as instruments of righteousness. For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace.” – Romans 6:11-14

St. Mary Magdelene, patron Saint of penitent sinners – Pray for us.

God Bless!

I'm not alone

Last month, in our college, we had a personal growth workshop and I took part in it. In the first session we were asked to introduce ourselves and give a brief description about who we were. The very first line that came into my mind about myself was – ‘I am a nomad. A wanderer.’ coz all my life I have been moving from one place to another. From Bihar to Jharkhand to Coimbatore, from Kerala to Kolkata, from Shillong to Chennai...... and within a month I will be moving out of Chennai to don’t know where. But no matter where I went, no matter how unfamiliar the place, food, culture may be, no matter if I didn’t have a single friend or relative, I never felt alone. Coz I knew the loving God was with me wherever I went. He was, is and will be the only one who would be with me always no matter what. No wonder the psalmist says:

 “You are all round me on every side; you protect me with your power.

Where could I go to escape from you? Where could I get away from your presence?

Even if I went up to heaven you would be there; if I lay in the world of the dead you would be there.

If I flew beyond the east or lived in the farthest place in the west, you would be there to lead me, you would be there to help me.” (Psalm139:5-10).

The love of our God never leaves us.

But I was not born with this attitude. Through most of my life I felt just the other way round. I would be one of those guys who would sing ‘I am so lonely’ and would really mean every word. I suffered from the ‘Why me?’ syndrome. I spent days, months and years asking – ‘God, Why me? Why do I have to go through all these problems? Why does all this happen to me? Why was I born in this family?’ There were nights I spent crying all by myself, there were times when I wouldn’t talk with anyone in my school for as long as a week, there were days when I felt I had no friend – no one to speak to, no one to share my feelings with.  All this, while I could only helplessly watch my family fall apart. The daily fights, the anger, the hatred, the fear, the helplessness is all I can remember. My dad on the verge of axing me, my mom soaked in kerosene with a lit matchstick in her hand are my childhood memories. God’s love was the last thing I experienced. God was almost non-existent.

But all this changed one night when I sat before the Blessed Sacrament for Adoration. Some years ago, in a retreat, during an inner healing prayer, the preacher made us journey though our entire life – from the moment we were conceived in our mother’s womb till that very day. We had to remember all the past incidents and offer it to Jesus. As I was praying, I could see all that I have gone through, scroll right in front of my eyes – all the hurtful, painful incidents, all the fights, all the times I felt alone, crushed; I could see them all. But then I saw something special. In all these incidents I could see Jesus standing right next to me! Through all the pains I could see Him consoling me. All the moments I thought I suffered alone, I could see Him holding my hand. It was as if I was living my life once again, but this time with Jesus by my side. All these while I thought I was alone, but then, that night I realized that I was not alone. God was with me all through; each and every second. I was filled with so much of joy that I can’t explain. I just burst out in tears, tears of joy! And since then I have been singing – ‘I am not alone.’ Surely I faced problems and struggles, even bigger ones, after that night, but I never felt alone coz I felt the love of God always surround me.

Over the past few years I have learned one thing - no matter what happens in our life, nothing can separate us from the love of God. Even if you are going through the biggest struggle in your life, the love of God is right there with you. You might be struggling in your studies, or at work, or in your personal life, you might be crushed under the demands others put on you, might be absolutely clueless about your future, might be struggling to find a job, or to make friends, or to face people, you might be going through the biggest dilemma, pain, confusion in your life, you might be feeling absolutely lost, lonely, depressed, you might be chained by your sins or addictions,  you might think nobody understands you, cares for you, loves you, you might be going through the deepest, darkest phase in your life. No matter how bad the situation is, don’t worry coz you are not alone, the Love of God is always there with you to guide you, to protect you, to strengthen you. That’s why St Paul says:

 “For I am certain that nothing can separate us from His love: neither death nor life, neither angels nor other heavenly rulers or powers, neither the present nor the future, neither the world above nor the world below – there is nothing in all creation that will ever be able to separate us from the love of God which is ours through Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:38,39)

God Loves You!

God Bless!!