A Sinner's Resolve

A few days back, we celebrated the feast of St Mary Magdalene. Who is she? The sinful woman from whom seven evil spirits were driven out by Jesus or the prostitute whom Jesus saved from being stoned to death or the woman who anointed Jesus or the one who washed Jesus' feet with her tears or in more recent times the one who is wrongly being portrayed as wife of Jesus? For me, when I look at her, I see just one thing: a sinner who received the Saviour’s touch! And that’s what draws me to her; that’s how I relate to her.

In her I see someone who was drawn and bound by the powers of sin so strong that she is referred to as being possessed by not one or two but seven evil spirits! When I think of her, I can imagine her struggling to break free from the force of sin so strong that it would have taken complete control of her, taken away from her the innocence of humanity, the joy and peace of belonging to God. I can imagine her being shunned away by the society, treated as an outcast, feared as a threat, distanced as an untouchable; I can imagine her longing to be accepted, thirsting to be loved, desiring to be joyful, hoping to be forgiven. And I believe she would have continued in this state of being, had she not come across Jesus – the Almighty powerful God of Heaven and Earth, the Creator of the Universe – but for her a Saviour, her “Rabboni”. He forgave her sins, wiped away her past, healed her inequity, cast out evil and gave her a new life. This new life – she accepted, nurtured and pursued, even against all odds. She resolved to do everything it takes to be with Jesus all through her life. During the Crucifixion of Jesus when all His disciples, except John, had deserted Him, Mary Magdalene was there. After His death and burial, when all of His followers were devastated and mourning, Mary Magdalene dared to go to His tomb and there she became the first one to witness His resurrection. The Lord of Lords and the King of Kings, gave her the privilege of becoming the Apostle of Apostles! She was faithful to Jesus and the Way of Life He called her to and that’s how she went from being a sinner to a Saint.

When I look back into my life, I realize that we have lots to learn from her. Just like her, we struggle with sin; we struggle to come out of its clutches. She came out of this pit of filth when she encountered Christ and resolved to never fall back in it again. What happens when we encounter Christ who is the “same yesterday and today and forever”? Do we let Him work in our lives, do we believe in His power to set us free, do we accept Him as our Saviour, do we follow the Way He shows us? Very often we set out on this path of holiness and purity, but we never stop looking back. Slightest opportunity and we make use of it to go back to our earlier ways. Slightest temptation and we lay down our arms. And this is where St Mary Magdalene challenges us through her life. She never lost sight of Jesus. She wasn’t afraid to follow Him along the Way of the Cross, she wouldn’t leave Him even at the sight of His heart- wrenching death, even despair and feeling of loss wouldn’t keep her away from going to His tomb. In those moments when He seemed to go farther away, she took all efforts to follow Him and to be with Him.  Aren’t we supposed to do the same? In those moments when we do not experience God working in our lives, when we do not feel His presence, when we slowly drift away from Him; instead of being discouraged and helpless, we should take extra effort to come closer to God, to trust in God’s power and His ways, to resist evil and to strive to stand firm in our faith and in our relationship with Him. We see in Mary Magdalene, how a sinner’s resolve can make him/her a saint. If she can do it, so can we with God’s grace.

“So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus. Therefore, do not let sin exercise dominion in your mortal bodies, to make you obey their passions.  No longer present your members to sin as instruments of wickedness, but present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and present your members to God as instruments of righteousness. For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace.” – Romans 6:11-14

St. Mary Magdelene, patron Saint of penitent sinners – Pray for us.

God Bless!

Forgiven to Forgive

A few days back, I was reminded of an incident which happened in my first job. As an HR representative for more than 4000 employees, the volume of mails and calls that I would get was mind-boggling. After a period of a weeklong vacation followed by a weeklong offsite meeting and then some hectic travel schedule I was left with thousands of mails in my inbox to clear. In the midst of all this I skipped checking one very important mail which I shouldn’t have missed at any cost. This was a serious miss from my end. No matter what justification I gave, it wasn’t enough. I had a discussion with my boss and was expecting to get a call from my super-boss: the HR head for our region. The dreadful call finally came. I accepted the call nervously, my fingers almost shivering. I sheepishly said, “Hello” expecting to be scolded from the other end, expecting to hear a barrage of chosen words from my super-boss. But what happened was just the opposite. He spoke to me very calmly, said he understood what happened, reiterated that he trusted me and what I was capable of, asked me to learn from the mistake and get back on track. When the call ended I was dumbstruck. He had all authority, power, reason, right to penalize me for the mistake, but he chose to forgive. My respect for him just shot through the roof and I would never forget this incident ever in my life to come.

Let me pause and ask you a question. Have you ever made a mistake in your life? I’m sure you have and so have I. Not one or five or ten, but many!! A few days back, during the sermon a Priest in our parish said, “All of us humans have faults, all of are weak, all of us are vulnerable, all of us make mistakes.” So true. And what do we do when we realize that we made a mistake? We would want to correct it, we expect to be forgiven and given another chance. But do we do same – forgive and give another chance - when somebody else had made the mistake? Most often not!

I recently came across a video which shook me and challenged me! It was about the most prolific serial killer in US - Gary Ridgway. Well, what he did can’t be termed a mistake. He has been convicted of killing 49 woman in a timespan of almost two decades. He, however, confessed murdering at least 71! After being sentenced to 48 life sentences without any parole, the judge asked the relatives of the victims to come and share their story in front of the whole court. These would be the last memories Gary would have before being led into prison for the rest of his life. The below video shows a glimpse of that. I request you to have a look at it.

Woah! I was left speechless, surprised to see, how can someone, who has lost probably the most important person in his life, forgive such a remorseless, hardened criminal!! But then, that’s we are called to do. We are forgiven so that we can forgive! We all know if God starts keeping a record of all the wrongs that we do and not forgive us - where will we be!!

Right now, we may not come across a serial killer to forgive (I pray that we never do in our lifetime); but we know that there are many whom we need to forgive and reconcile with. It may be our family members, our friends, our office colleagues, our boss, our Parish priests, our teachers, our ministry team members.......  We can either chose to be angry, retaliate, hold grudge against them, hate them, talk ill about them, curse and condemn them or we can choose to forgive them and be at peace with them and ourselves. Our Lord asks us to do the latter. 

“Put away from you all bitterness and wrath and anger and wrangling and slander, together with all malice, and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you.” – Ephesians 4:31, 32.

Let’s take these words to heart and take genuine efforts to forgive others. Whoever he or she is, whatever he or she has done, even if it’s entirely their fault, let’s pray for them, forgive them, reconcile with them, love them!

Someone said, "Forgiveness is the gift you give yourself." I think it goes beyond 'yourself' and touches the heart of the one being forgiven! The power of forgiveness heals both: the forgiven and the forgiver! Don’t you want to experience it?

God Bless!

Lessons from my Nephew

Last six months have been full of fun, adventure, excitement, joy at home! The reason behind all this: my two and half year old nephew, Ahaan. He has been staying with my mom and me for some time now and as I dropped him back at his parents’ place a few days back I realized how our lives have been resolving around this hyperactive, adventurous, naughty, powerhouse of unending energy and excitement!! During this time that he stayed with us, we tried teaching him a lot of things, but all in vain. All our efforts failed in front of this highly determined soul who wanted to do everything ‘my way or the highway’ style. Well, in the bargain, he taught me a few lessons for life. Have been wanting to share it for a long time, but, as you can understand, got time only now.

Lesson 1:

There was this one incident during my initial days with him, when I had still not realized that patience is THE virtue when dealing with him. Just after he finished his dinner and before we started ours, he did something naughty which I’ve been telling him not to do for a long time. I scolded him and he started crying. Usually during those days, he wouldn’t just stop with crying but go a step forward and vomit as well. And this time too he was doing the same thing. In my attempts to stop him from doing that, I patted him on his lips. That anyways didn’t stop him, but rather hurt him. He vomited everything that he ate that night. He went crying to my mom and was with her for the rest of the night. We all slept with a very heavy heart. But next day morning, life was back to normal. He was again the fun-loving guy he is and was playing me with me as if nothing happened. What a relief!! J This made me think how I and many of us are. What do we do if someone does or even says the slightest of the things that hurt or offend us? We hurt and offend them back, talk ill about them, hold grudge against them and that too sometimes for the rest of our lives, blacklist them, avoid them, cut-off ourselves from them if possible. That’s when my nephew taught me to forgive, forget and move on. Life would be so much more better if we do that. No wonder Jesus says, “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.” (Luke 6:27,28) And if your question is how many times should we forgive someone. Jesus’ answer is “.. seventy – seven times.” (Matthew 18:22), which means as many times as possible!!

Lesson 2:

With me around, excitement quotient for Ahaan increases exponentially!! Sometimes it becomes very difficult to control him. So, when we go to church to attend the Mass I tactfully leave him with his Granny who is blessed with virtues to lovingly and patiently take care of him. I sit at the other end, far away from his sight. One Sunday towards the end of the Mass, amidst the sound of songs and prayers, I heard a voice from across the hall. And I recognized that it was Ahaan. I was instantly reminded of Jesus’ words, “My sheep hear my voice. I know them, and they follow me.” (John 10:27) Through these words Jesus, our Good Shepherd, says how He personally knows us and how because of this close relationship, we (His sheep) hear and recognize His voice. This is so true in life. Had it been six months before, I might not have even heard the voice of Ahaan in the crowd and if I had, I would have thought that it is some other kid. But having spent time with him, I’ve come to know him better, I know his likes and dislikes, I know what makes him happy and excited, I know his voice. That’s why I was able to recognize his voice amidst all the others. Isn’t that so in our relationship with God? We say that God doesn’t exist, God doesn’t speak. Isn’t that because we have not put in enough efforts to know Him, to spend time with Him? Trust me, He definitely speaks and has spoken to me so clearly, so personally, so many times and still does. But to hear Him I had to and I still continue to invest in building my personal relationship with Him.  

Lesson 3:

Towards the end of his stay with us, Ahaan taught me another important lesson. One evening, he was standing on our dining table and when I came nearer to the table, he saw me and jumped on me. Thankfully, I caught him! He loved doing that and you know what happens when kids love doing something. They do it over and over and over again!! So then, for the next few minutes and the next few days, he would get on the table and without thinking anything just jump on me, trusting that I would catch him. He had no doubt or hesitation in doing something so dangerous. In fact I was more worried about it. But this guy’s confidence, joy and trust made me ensure that I catch him. And how perfectly I can relate it to my relationship with God – my Father! There have been so many instances in which I’ve taken the blind leap of faith and every time He caught me, He didn’t let go of me. We limit God with our limited understanding of Him. We think He can do something and there are a lot of things He can’t do. Well, here’s a reality check for us: “For God all things are possible.” (Mark 10:27) In our relationship with God, sometimes what is needed is to keep our logical thinking aside, trust in Him blindly, jump and experience Him catching us, experience His love. Unfailing love surrounds those who trust in the Lord. (Psalm 32:10)

Forgive and forget. Build personal relation with God to hear Him. Blindly trust in God. In a few months’ time, Ahaan taught me these and much more. Now I clearly understand why Jesus says, “unless you change and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 18:3)

I guess, when God looks at us, He doesn’t see our educational qualification, our financial status , our social stature, our possessions or lack of them, our achievements or failure……; instead He sees His child. That’s the only thing that matters. He is our loving Father and we are His children. Do we see a Heavenly Father in Him? Do we act like His children?

See what love the Father has given us, that we should be called children of God; and that is what we are. -1John 3:1.

God Bless!

Coming Home!

Kolkata – a hot n humid, polluted n populated city for some. But for me it truly is the City of Joy. I spent the best year of my life there, working as a fulltime volunteer for a youth group. Last weekend, I got a chance to go back to Kolkata after five years and relive the best days of my life once again. Can’t thank God enough for that!! Every street I walked through, every place I visited, every friend I met brought back so many memories!!!

One such memory was rekindled when I met a close friend of mine. During my earlier stay, a retreat was arranged in his school and as a part of the retreat everyone was encouraged to confess. This friend of mine was also one among them, but every time he reached the confessional he would back out. I ran behind him, caught him, took him to the confessional twice and made sure he confessed. Last weekend when we met we talked and laughed about that incident, but both of us knew that incident played such an important role in his life! He still talks about it and shares his experience with others.

Confession was a dreadful experience for me as well. The thought of recollecting and telling all the sins I did was scary!! Before I joined my engineering college, I confessed only twice and that too because it was mandatory and that too half-heartedly. But then one confession changed it all forever. It was towards the end of my first year in college. I reluctantly went for a youth retreat. The first couple of days were fun, but then came the day we had to go for Confession!!! I thought of making it as quick as I could. But when I started, I went on and on and on. All the sin and the filth in my life, which I had hidden deep inside me for years, just came out. I started crying and I still remember the priest’s hand becoming wet by tears which were rolling down my cheeks. At the end of it, he just said, “your sins are forgiven. I absolve you in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.” No questions asked! No conditions kept!! I can’t share with you, how I felt when I heard those words. It was as if a big huge load was taken off me and suddenly I could breathe freely!! I knew I came back home, I came back to God, my loving Father!

Since then, confession has helped me strengthen my relationship with God. Coming to think of it now, my decision to go for the one year fulltime volunteership - the best decision I ever took in my entire life, also came from a confessional.  Sometimes confession is such a strong experience for me when I feel transformed, touched, healed, liberated; and sometimes I don’t feel anything at all after confessing. But I know that no matter what, every time I confess, I’m cleansed of my unworthiness, I receive His abundant grace, I’m welcomed with His arms wide open. I recently read a mail written by a priest in which he said, “The Confessional is a place where people let God's love win. In Confession, we meet Jesus who reminds us, "You are worth dying for . . . even in your sins, you are worth dying for." Confession is always a place of victory. Whether you have confessed a particular sin for the first time, or if this is the 12,001^st time, every Confession is a win for Jesus.”

I rediscovered one of the most amazing Psalms about confession. It goes like this:

When I kept my sin secret, my body wasted away,

I was moaning all day long.

your hand day and night lay heavy upon me;

draining my strength, parching my heart

as in the heat of a summer drought.

Then I made known to you my sin

and uncovered before you my fault, saying to myself,

“To the Lord, I will now confess my wrong”.

And you, you forgave my sin and removed my guilt.....

You are my refuge;

you protect me from distress

and surround me with songs of deliverance.

(Psalm 32)

               

In this season of lent, as we prepare to partake in the suffering of Jesus and wait to experience the joy of His resurrection, let’s make use of this opportunity to confess, to come back Home, to meet the life-transforming, costly love of God . . . freely given to us every time we ask for it.

God Bless!!!

"Doomsday" Revelation!

What do you do when you know that the world is coming to end? You must be wondering why am I asking you this question now. 21^st Dec, 2012 - the doomsday - has come and gone. I’m bringing it up because that day I stumbled across a realization which took me by surprise.

So, I come back to the same question. What do you do when you know that the world is coming to an end? Do all that you ever wanted to do, go on a shopping, eating, drinking spree; visit places you've always dreamt about, catch up with your old friends, spend time with family, mend broken relations, pray for the next life....... Well to my surprise, when I went to church that day I found a long line of people waiting to confess their sins. And guess what? I was one among them! However, I hadn't planned it. I didn't even realize it was 21^st Dec till I came back home. I went to attend the morning Mass and after the Mass I felt the strong urge to confess. As I prepared myself for confession, as I made my way towards the confessional, as I knelt down, the power of seven words which I was about to say took be my surprise. I was overwhelmed when I said, “Bless me Father, for I have sinned.”

That’s a prayer, we say every time we begin our confession. But that day it made me think. Isn't there something wrong in that sentence? Why “Bless me, Father”? Shouldn't it be “Have mercy on me, Father” or “Please forgive me, Father” or “Spare me, Father” or “Please don’t punish me, Father”. Instead of asking for blessings, shouldn't we be scared, afraid, guilty to approach the Almighty God, against whom we have sinned? I remember, during my childhood, after fighting with my sister, I was so scared that she would complaint to my mother about what I did. I saw the same with my nephew who is petrified when we tell him that we are going to tell his dad about his mischief. Don’t we feel the same when we have to face our boss after messing up at work? But instead of approaching God with guilt, fearing His rebuke and punishment and pleading with Him for forgiveness, He gives us an opportunity to approach Him with confidence, with love and ask for His blessings and grace irrespective of what we did.

For God, our loving Father, it doesn't matter if we are liars, drunkards, murderers, prostitutes; it doesn't matter if we are addicted to alcohol, drugs, tobacco, pornography; it doesn't matter if we have been a bad, mean person; it doesn't matter if we were thankless, jealous, deceitful; it doesn't matter if we didn't support human life; it doesn't matter if we never bothered about Him, if we ran away from Him, forgot Him, disobeyed Him,questioned or denied His existence, it doesn't matter if we are the greatest sinner in the world, as long as we go back to Him, stand in front of Him, repent and say “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.” Then He would embrace us and fill us with His love which knows no limit, His peace which is beyond our understanding, His joy which gives us strength and His hope which never fades.

That morning when I came back from the confessional, I felt as if a heavy weight was off my chest. And as I knelt before the crucifix, I could feel His love envelope me. I felt humbled before Him, humbled by the power of seven words – “Bless me Father, for I have sinned”, humbled by the power of His love and forgiveness.

“The Lord is gracious and merciful, abounding in love and slow to anger; .... He does not treat us according to our sins, nor does He punish us as we deserve. As the heavens are high above the earth, so great is His love  ....; as far as the east is from the west, so far does He remove from us our sins.” (Psalms 103:8-12)

God Bless!

My Chains are Gone

A classroom with amphitheatre style seating arrangement, almost 100 final year B School students, a team of five who just finished their presentation, a very renowned and well loved Professor and one of the students singing a song to all of them. Well, this was the scene during one of our lectures a few years back when I was doing my final year MBA. And the guy singing the song was me!!!

During MBA, power point presentations had become a part of life – you make, talk, copy, discuss, eat, sleep, walk, dream PPTs! And this was supposed to be one of them. A regular group presentation on some random topic given by our professor. I don’t even remember what the topic was and what we presented. But I surely do remember how it ended. Soon after the presentation, the professor asked me a few questions and then to my surprise asked me to sing! I had no idea what was happening, but I guess he thought that I was someone who was living a very sad life and needed to smile. I was like that some years ago, but definitely not at that point of time. A lot of things had changed since I found God. Now, after hearing his rather unexpected request, I sang the first song that came into my mind - “Amazing Grace – My chains are gone”. Irrespective of how good the song is, the outcome of my singing was as expected - pathetic. I guess, the professor would have realized that he should have never asked me to sing in the first place. Till date, that's one of the weirdest moments in my life.

Well, about the song, I actually heard it for the first time during my college days and it soon became one of my favourites. It still is. Its words were an inspiration for the earlier name of my blog – Unfailing Love Abounding Grace.  And earlier this year, I was inspired to make a video for the song. Thought of sharing the same with you all (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t6gSU1Y0XGM) 

The video starts with a scene from the Gospel regarding the adulteress woman whom Jesus forgave (read here), followed by the song with scenes from the Passion of Christ and ends with what I find, one of the most powerful verses from the Bible – one which assures of God’s inseparable love for us, words which changed my life and how I look at it.

God Bless!

Lessons at the Police Station

In the last week I had quite a few adventurous days. Believe it or not, but I’ve been in and out of the police station! Thankfully, not as a convict, but as a complainant.

The week before that, I got an SMS which threatened me saying, “……You will see your end soon.” This was the first time that I got an anonymous threat to my life, but somehow I wasn’t disturbed. Nevertheless as a procedure and a precautionary measure I had to register a complaint with the local Police and that’s how the frequent visit to the cops began. After a few days, they finally nabbed the guy who did this. He was someone I knew. When I first saw him at the Police Station, I felt nothing, may be because I suspected him from the very beginning. But when he was questioned by the cops in front of me, there was such a surge of emotions within me. The lame excuses that he was giving and the way he was justifying his act made me furious. I felt disgusted and I could feel anger and hatred building up within me. I had initially decided to forgive him and ignore the incident but every time he spoke, the reasons and excuses that he gave were so irrational and argumentative that it became more and more difficult for me to forgive him.

And that’s when I heard something. The verses of Bible which I read sometime back and about which I wrote in my last post came back to me. “Love your enemies. Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who persecute you.” I felt a chill run down my spine and that moment I realized what exactly I was supposed to do. I had to forgive him, pray for him and bless him. It was easier said than done, but finally with His grace I was able to. At the end, before leaving the police station, I wished him all the best for his future.

This incident was such an eye opener! Such a small incident and it was so difficult for me to forgive him. Think about Jesus on the Cross. Stretched out on the cross, hanging by three nails between sky and Earth, he was surrounded by people who made fun of him, who mocked him, who ridiculed him, who accused him for things he never did, who chastised him, who crowned him with thorns, who made him go through the most painful torture, who crucified him, who were challenging him to come down from the Cross, who killed Him without knowing that it was for them that He was dying. Instead of hating them, cursing them, praying for their doom, He prayed, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” (Luke23:34)  Woah!! Truly Awesome. I was left speechless when I pictured it.

I guess that’s why He is the Sign of Contradiction, He is the Messiah, He is my Lord and my God  and that’s why I follow Him.

Our God is an awesome God!

God Bless!

Cup Came Home

2^nd April, 2011 – A day which will indelibly be written in the memories of every Indian of this generation, a day when the long wait of 28yrs was finally over, a day when India became world Champions again, a day when the Cup came home!

It’s one of those days when each one of us will remember exactly where we were and what we did for the rest of our lives. As for me, like most Indians, I too was watching the final match with my friends and like most Indians, once India lifted the trophy it was time to hit the road. I was stunned to see traffic jam at 12:30 in the night in Hyderabad. There was celebration all around. People in cars, bikes, cycles, on foot all celebrating and cheering India’s victory. Nobody seemed strangers anymore. Anybody and everybody was congratulating each other, giving high fives and hugging people whom they have never ever met in their lives before. All cares and concerns of the daily lives thrown out of the window!!

Among all this I just noticed one incident. Two guys riding bikes and celebrating happened to hit each other. There was slight damage to the bikes, but to my surprise they just shook hands, congratulated each other for India’s victory, smiled and left. I was shocked!! Had it been any other day it would have surely led to a blame game, an argument and may be a scuffle. But not that day. Everyone was so overwhelmed by the celebration, happiness and joy that they forgot and forgave all mistakes and wrongdoings.

It just reminded me about the parable that Jesus narrated about a son who fought with his father, rebelled against him, took his share of the money and left his family to follow his own ways, spent his father’s money in reckless living and after that had no choice but to work in a pig sty. He was starving, so much so that he was willing to eat what the pigs ate, but no one gave him even that. Then he realized his mistake and decided to go back home. On his way back, when his father saw him coming, he wasn’t angry or disgusted, he didn’t ask for any explanation, he didn’t  say ‘It your fault’ or ‘I told you this would happen’ or ‘I have nothing to do with you now’, he didn’t argue or reprimand. In fact he didn’t even let his son speak. He just ran to him, threw his hands round his stinking, dirty, unkempt, wretched son and kissed him. He was so filled with joy to see his son come back that he forgave all his mistakes and wrongdoing. He ordered a feast to celebrate the day his son came home! (Luke15:11-27)

Thats how God, our Father is! His joy of seeing us come back to Him wipes away all our sins and wrongdoings.  He doesn’t ask us for explanations, doesn’t blame us for anything, doesn’t hold any grudge against us. He just throws his hands around us, hugs us and forgives us. And along with Him the Heavens rejoice over a repentant sinner. (Luke 15:7)

Lets try to put aside whatever takes us away from our Father and come back to Him to experience His forgiveness, His mercy, His love  and the Joy of going back Home!

Lets forgive others, the way our heavenly Father forgives us! Let the joy of forgiving others be more than the gravity of their mistake, be more than our pride.

God Bless!

The Gaze

This Sunday was Palm Sunday, also called Passion Sunday. The gospel reading narrated the Passion of Christ from the last Supper to His body being laid in the tomb. As I was listening to the narration about the day that changed our lives forever,  I heard so many names – Jesus, Pilate, Judas, Caiaphas, Simeon, daughters of Jerusalem, Herod......  But the name struck me the most was Peter; the incident that shook me up was him denying Jesus three times, the moment that touched me the most was the gaze that Jesus gave Peter after his denial.

During The Last Supper, Peter was so confident about his commitment to the Lord and so unaware of what was going to happen that he boldly proclaimed that He would be with Jesus all through and won’t leave Him at all even if it meant prison or death. Peter never would have imagined what unfolded in the next few hours. Jesus, his master, who performed so many miracles, who healed the deaf, the lame, the dumb, the blind, the leper, who calmed storms, who walked on water, who multiplied bread, who brought back dead from life, whom everyone welcome with songs of Joy and shouts of Hosanna just a few days ago, whose proud disciple he was; the same Jesus was standing in front of an angry crowd who was jeering at Him, spitting on Him, slapping and beating Him and Jesus who had the power and authority over everything was standing helpless. Peter was shattered seeing all this and that’s when people surround him and accuse him of being a follower of Jesus. He denies Jesus. Three times. “And the Lord turned around and looked at Peter.” (Luke 22:61) Jesus gazed at Peter, looked straight into his eyes.

Jesus’ gaze didn’t mean – ‘See, I told you so. How could you do this to me? You of all the people! What a wretched person you are.’ It was not a gaze which had anger, contempt, hatred, disgust, disappointment in it. It was a gaze full of love. It was a gaze which meant – ‘I love you. I love you just as you are; in your weaknesses, in your shortcomings, in your failures, in your fear, in your denial. I love you and I am going through all this for my love for you, so that we could be together in eternity. I know you have denied me, but I don’t hold it against you. What matters to me is your love for me, is that you come back to me.’  And that gaze, I believe, changed Peter’s life. He came back to Jesus, spent the rest of his life for Him and died the way His master died – crucified, but upside down.

I can so relate to Peter, at least the denial part. I believe many of us can. So many times we decide to be all for Jesus, to do whatever God wants us to do, to obey Him, to be good but very soon we betray Him, we deny Him, we disobey him in ways big and small. In so many situations we forget what God desires of us and do just what we desire. In moments of temptation we don’t bother about how God longs that we choose to be with Him, but instead we just give into our weaknesses. So many times we fail to stand up for our relationship with our Father. But at the end of all this, what awaits us is the same gaze full of love, the gaze that desires that we come back to Him, the gaze that says – ‘I know. I understand. I forgive.’, the reassuring gaze that strongly invites us saying ‘Come, follow me.’  

Let’s spend these days gazing at Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament, in the Bible. Let’s gaze at the face of the crucified Lord, who died and rose again, all for His love for us. Let’s look into His eyes and find the meaning of our lives. Look straight in His eyes and your life will never be the same again.

Let’s also look at others with the same loving, forgiving gaze when they wrong us, hurt us, do or say bad things about us, betray us. Your one gaze can change other’s life as well. It’s difficult but we are called to do exactly that - to love and forgive, the way Jesus did.

O Lord, who am I, that your eyes that see my sin, would look on me with love and watch me rise again! Thank you so much for loving me.

God loves you!

God Bless!